i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
3pm strippers are depressing
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
