It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize