everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
