Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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