what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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