I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
