I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm too high and old for this...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
