Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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