Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
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i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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