highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Randomize
