I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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