please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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