took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
