thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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