lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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