hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
