i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
