God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
