im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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