ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
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Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
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Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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