so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
