I'm really into asian looking animals
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
