The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
