But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
