every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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