i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
she peed on how many people?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
