I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
