I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
