am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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