Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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