My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Randomize
