doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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