Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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