i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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