Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
