god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
