Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My balls are so social today.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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