They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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