Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
