oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
