Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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