Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
