Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
