Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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