Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
