I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
