remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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