He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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