i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i think i just lost a toe
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
