Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize