I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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