So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
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I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
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do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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