Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
