Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
