No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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