instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
