remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
