a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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