I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching her eat just hurts me
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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