considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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