Do you still have your period?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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