Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
