and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize