I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Damn victory sex feels great
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
