he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
