Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
