Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
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