I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
