Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
