so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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