What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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